Well the bitter cold of winter has given way to a constant grey drizzle round these parts, it’s that very fine rain that gets everywhere - even it seems, into my locked garage. Ok so I know the garage isn’t actually raining in, but it might as well be.
Early each morning when I go into the garage the car is as wet as if I had let it stand outside. It’s condensation of course, but so heavy that I’m beginning to get concerned about rust. Look how wet the driver's door is on this photo. If you’re a 2cv owner and not completely paranoid about preventing rust then I suppose the chances are you won’t be a 2cv owner for very long - boy can these things fizzle away quickly.

As an added precaution, and a much cheaper option than buying a dehumidifier, I used one of my long handled paintbrushes dipped in Waxoyl to run around the crevices. Things like the drip rail, the boot lid hinge, and any of the seams in the bodywork got the treatment. The wax polish that I mentioned previously is still working fine and protecting the paintwork on the panels, so all I needed to do was add the Waxoyl in those places where water might gather, or become trapped.

Looking at that Waxoyl it reminds me of cholesterol, the thick gloopy fat residue that clogs up the arteries.
I mention this because just after the new-year I went in for my own MOT (not the cars) with the doctor, and I was told that I had areas of concern. The doctor tends to talk to me in numbers which mean absolutely nothing to me. “Your remaining kidney is functioning at 44” or “Your cholesterol is 7.5” I nod of course, as if '44' is an internationally recognised state for a kidney to be in, but I always come out none the wiser.
Apparently those numbers mean that I need to get more exercise, and eat and drink less less crap. Now why couldn't he just
say that?
So it has been that for the last few weeks early each morning, at daybreak actually, I have been taking walks down the local country lanes. The trouble with this I find is that country lanes tend to have nothing beside them but a drainage ditch, and cars fly down them with abandon.
Many a morning, there I was - communing with nature, only to feel the rush of slipstream from a vehicle that had narrowly missed me. Last week a Toyota Celica came at me so fast that he had to swerve to avoid meat the last minute, hitting the car behind that was waiting in the passing place. 60 mph on a winding single track road is just stupid.
I have now taken to carrying a pocket full of small pebbles, the type that fish tanks used to have on the bottom. I carry one on the space created by sticking your thumb into your hand, and if someone shows a blatant disregard for my safety by speeding at me with inches to spare – I surreptitiously flick it!
If I time it right I can hit the windscreen using the force generated by the excess speed they are carrying, so the faster ones might need to visit Gavin from auto-glass. Hey don’t judge me, I’d much rather they slowed down but they seem to do that thing that HGV’s do to small cars;
“Outta my way or it’ll hurt you more than it'll hurt me.”... Wanna bet? Heh heh?
All this walking around has made me do some other strange things, buying stuff off ebay for example. Have you ever sat there just seconds after pressing the ‘buy it now’ button and thought “What the hell have I bought that for?” Yep, well so did I when I bought a book on.....Trees.... Effin' TREES ffs!
So my early morning pebble flicking activities now take place amongst the Sycamore’s and Oaks, instead of the ‘just trees’ that they had always been. I’ll be burning incense and voting Liberal next! I mentioned previously that my windscreen fogs up just on my side, so how’s this for annoying? The passenger side's perfect!

This was taken in the supermarket car park this morning, the car having stood for only fifteen minutes. It’s little foibles like this that could seriously drive me nuts, which is why I’m probably buying books on trees and flicking pebbles, the first signs of insanity. It’s not only that though, on the way to the supermarket I was very nearly T-boned by a woman in a white van. She was a mobile ironing service, and on the side of her van it said “Iron-Maiden”
Life ay!
