Since you asked that I’ve been giving it some thought as it’s a question that has never occurred to me before, I just do it. The best and most honest answer I was able to come up with which will perhaps sound terribly pretentious is that it’s easy due to being an Artist. I better jump in quickly here and qualify that statement as I can feel a collective rolling of eyes. What I mean is that from a very young age I have always felt the need to paint and to draw. Those two things taught me how to accurately observe, how not to just look, but how to see.

The ability to do that however, is a double edged sword. It enables me to draw and paint sure, it also enables me to notice stuff that goes unseen by most folk which has proved helpful at work, but it’s also a complete bastard to live with day to day as you can’t turn it off.
For example; let’s say that you were making Beans on toast, what would you do? Check the cupboard to see if you had any beans and enough bread right? Now here’s how I would do it, and remember it’s all done automatically and in real time, so while I may do the same as you did, and in exactly the same time that you did it in, this is what I’d see, this is my experience of that same event.

Open the cupboard. I notice; “It’s that fake, grainy, ‘Formica’ type shite that cupboard door is, cheap veneer hot-glued over compacted mush, how can it be so expensive? I’d much rather have real wood. Ah yes! I see we’ve got some Beans. I like Heinz Beans but the label on that tin is a little bit faded on one side, the colour has drained out of it, which means it’s been (ha) sat in strong sunlight. It must have been stacked on the outside of the pallet when it was delivered into one of those warehouses that have panelled roof lights to let the sun in, the clear corrugated plastic ones. I see the label has a small nip in it too, I wonder how that happened?”

See what I mean? And I haven’t even opened the bloody can yet. I’m like that all day long. It would be fair assumption to make that as I write so much I’m perhaps the chatty sort in person, but that’s not actually the case. I’m quite reserved, I see everything, miss very little, and must contend with this constant internal chatter as everything is noticed, logged, and stored away somewhere. I meet a man and I read him at a glance, I notice the creases in his trousers, those at the back of his knees tell me that he sits down a lot, and they’re deep creases, which means those same trousers were worn yesterday. In short, it’s fuc*ing murder, I’m a machine!

Anyway, back to the 2cv.

Today the 2cv was used to blatt down the motorway again. After missing last week’s Raid Tan Hill due to family problems, 4:00pm saw me again heading down to the town of my birth, this time to check on my old Mum who isn’t too well. So if it’s not one thing - it’s your Mother!



I got the car out earlier (ie, in daylight) to take a good look around it. Daylight didn’t show up at all yesterday, the sky merely taking on the darkened air of an impending thunderstorm and then staying that way from dawn until dusk. Whilst pissing down.

I may be nitpicking here but I have taken a few close-up photos of the sort of damage that all- weather use is inflicting on the little Citroen. They are only minor things, the type of stuff that any 2cv owner might expect to see, but slowly the car is transforming from the once pristine lovely that it was into what dealers euphemistically refer to as being slightly ‘patinated’.



Here and there are little angry rust marks, the one above from when I gave it a clout while transporting a large studio easel. Looking around it looks like it’s been nibbled on at the extremities, but in a way I like it. I like it because it means that first uncomfortable period of new car ownership, the one in which you worry lest you see a scratch, has past. I can relax now.



So – back to Bolton. Any Boltonian will tell you that today is a sad day. Nat Lofthouse, the footballer who was the town’s sporting hero for over six decades has died. Named ‘The Lion of Vienna’ after playing for Bolton Wanderers in a match back in 1952 in which he was severely cropped several times by the opposition, eventually he was stretchered off unconscious. Showing true grit, when revived he went back on the pitch to score the winning goal. There is now a pub in Bolton called ‘The Lion of Vienna’ after our hero who sadly passed away today.

Now how about this for coincidence? Travelling along the same road that features that pub Mrs Nail remarked that our car sounded like it had a cold. I knew what she meant, sounds a little gruff on acceleration, exhaust clamp maybe? Shortly after that another ‘growly’ sort of noise occurred, but this time it was Amir Kahn in his Lambo’ who was behind us. Eager to pass he whipped round and shot off. Oddly enough Amir Kahn is the one that most would now think of as Bolton’s sporting hero, which probably reflects on the changing face of Bolton itself. It’s not generally known that Amir Kahnis one of three brothers. There’s Amir, Amir-Azwell, and Amir-Azwell-Azim. (Sorry – Bolton humour)

After a visit with my parents which saw my mum looking pretty poorly, and my dad, talking about the old days when he and Nat Lofthouse played football together I headed for home leaving Bolton-istan behind, God bless her – and all who fail in her! I’ve noticed why my windscreen keeps steaming up on my side too, it’s because the rubber has allowed water between it and the glass, wish I’d have used mastic in there now.

old nail im like that, i notice things other people dont, its wierd, because when im out and about ill notice something that someone will too, and we will talk about it later and ill say something about a small detail about it, they will be oblivious as to what im on about, simply because ive noticed the finer details,

it is very useful, but sometimes less useful
such as a on many occasions caught a family friend, who is happily married, having an affair (caught him more than once) and sussed what they where up to, simply because i noticed and remebered small details which would other wise have gone forgotten!!

thats another long winded story to which id happily explain, its quite a funny one, which was more of a sort of be there type thing but ill explain if you want

Oh, go on then

I will write it tonight when I'm on the pc. Long story you see. Will need to set the scene

Nice one James,can't wait
By the way,are you still working with boats?

James there are some things that you should notice - then not notice again if you see what I mean.

Another reason I write is to leave a record. When young one tends to think that things will last forever - and they don't. Friendships, places, buildings and lives are all swept away in a very short time, sometimes a written account of what used to be, or a photo is all we have left.

It dawned on me the other day that in 1985 I was 25, and sat in a pub surrounded by my closest mates. It was a Sunday dinner time 'session', and there were eleven of us. Today, of those eleven only one survives, and he's writing this. The other ten died of either natural causes, illness, accident or the other thing. Even the pub we were in has been torn down and replaced with a block of flats intended to house asylum seekers.

Apart from in my memory all the events of that day, the lads, the good natured banter, the whole occasion itself might never have happened, lost into non-history without a trace. Nothing extraordinary happened that day, but I write about those ordinary things and ordinary people that they might be remembered by posterity too.

The way I see it if written accounts will allow history to remember c*nts like Tony Blair and George Bush, then they can remember my mates too, as they were far better men.

still yet to get half an hour to sit down and write the fascinating tale i need to tell, well I reckon it'll take me an hour to explain, as soon as i have the time boys and girls i will

It's good that you keep learning James. In a short time you have gone from writing posts that looked like a bad text, to putting together short stories. Take your time, and pay attention to correct spelling, and before long you'll be on par with anyone here. That's a great achievement in so short a time.

Whenever you try to better yourself always keep in mind the story of the five monkeys. Not heard it? OK it goes like this.

An experiment was held, five monkeys were placed in a cage. At the bottom of the cage was just sawdust, drinking water, and enough uninteresting food to sustain them. Hung above them each day, out of reach, was a large fresh bunch of bananas. There was a ladder leaning against the inside wall of the cage.

One monkey, not wishing to exist on sawdust covered berries, climbed the ladder and reached over to the bananas. Just as the very tips of his fingers were almost touching them, the scientists fired a cold water hose at him blasting him off the ladder. Not only did they soak him in cold water, but deliberately soaked all of the other cage members too.

The next time another monkey climbed for the bananas the same happened, and again, and again, until after a week or so of group soaking if any monkey started to climb the ladder the others would pull him back and prevent him from doing so. As no one climbed the ladder the soakings stopped, and the bananas remained tantalisingly out of reach.

What the scientists did next was to replace two of the monkeys with new ones. Immediately the new monkeys saw the bananas and went to climb the ladder, but they were stopped by the others who knew what would happen if they allowed it. After another week of this the remaining monkeys from the first group were replaced, and the newcomers immediately attempted to climb the ladder to get to the good food.

They in turn were pulled back by the other monkeys, who enforced the rules that they had inherited. At this point none of the original group that witnessed the soaking were still present, and yet all of the monkeys knew not to climb the ladder, and also prevented anyone new from climbing it. They didn't know why, they just did it.

The thing about those monkeys is they behaved exactly like people. Often, if you attempt to better yourself the other monkeys, who might be your mates, your family, or your work colleagues will want to pull you back again. They tell you that 'there's no point' having ambition, why not just come down the pub with us instead? The answer you give will depend on whether you want to eat sawdust or bananas in future, the sawdust is easy, it's what most people settle for, the bananas are going to take a little more work and ingenuity, but they're there for the taking if you have the determination.

Words of wisdom beautifully told. Ever thought of teaching? James will certainly learn a lot on here. Marvellous.

By the way can't the spell checker on here be 'British English' Just picked me up on 'marvellous' It has 2 ells.

I don't there are 'forum' spell checkers (unless you count grama pedants! ) that's something you need to set at your end... either on your browser or as on a Mac a system wide spell blitz!